Is your fear of feedback holding your career hostage?

You’re sitting in a video call, fully muted, nodding like a bobble-head while your boss reviews your project. They pause. “Can I give you some feedback?” Time slows, stomach flips, cursor hovers over the “Leave Meeting” button - hard same?

That moment is tiny on the calendar, yet huge in your head. If you’re living with social anxiety, it can feel like the next words will decide your promotion, your rent, your very worth as a human. Spoiler: they won’t. But the fear can still chain-lock your career. Let’s break the lock.

why feedback feels like a horror movie

Brains love safety. Social anxiety tells your brain that criticism = exile from the tribe = saber-tooth buffet. So each “Can I give feedback?” triggers:

• Fight: you argue every point before they finish a sentence.

• Flight: you swerve into excuses, calendars “mysteriously” booked till 2087.
• Freeze: smiling statue mode, no words, just sweat.

  None of this means you’re weak. It means your nervous system is doing its outdated job. Good news: like any muscle, it can learn a new routine.

  the silent price tag of dodging feedback

  Skipping feedback doesn’t just save you a moment of awkward - it charges interest later.

  1. Slow skill growth. If you only learn from your own mistakes, progress crawls.

2. Foggy reputation. Managers can’t read minds; they may think you’re fine with the status quo.

3. Missed visibility. People who ask for notes stand out as coachable, aka promotion material.

Low-key truth: you’re already being evaluated. Opting out of feedback doesn’t hide you; it just removes your chance to steer the narrative.

tiny steps to make feedback feel less scary

Giant leaps get headlines, but micro-moves build habits. Try these:

• Rename it. Swap “feedback” with “info upgrade” or whatever makes you grin. Sounds silly - works.

• Pre-schedule. Ask for a 10-minute “upgrade chat” every Friday. Predictability calms the amygdala.
• Start with allies. A trusted coworker can offer gentle critique and celebrate wins. Training wheels.
• Use a script. “What’s one thing I can tweak for next time?” One thing keeps it snack-sized.
• Body drill. Before the meeting, exhale twice as long as you inhale for one solid minute. Slows heart rate, keeps the thinking brain online.

  Run these as experiments, not life contracts. If something flops, cool, you learned data.

  building your feedback crew

  No one said you have to face the music solo. Set up layers:

  1. Peer buddy. Same level, honest takes, zero power imbalance.

2. Mentor. Two steps ahead in the game, offers macro advice.

3. Manager. Discuss higher-impact changes once you’ve digested peer notes.

Tell them your goal: “I’m practicing taking feedback so I can grow faster.” Most folks love helping, and stating the mission frames any critique as collaboration, not ambush.

keep the loop moving

Feedback shouldn’t pile up like unread emails. Close the circle:

• Pick one action item, implement fast.

• Ping the giver: “Tried your tip on slide order - landed better. Thanks!”
• Reflect weekly: What stung? What helped? Write both; patterns appear.

  Closing the loop does two things: shows gratitude (social points) and teaches your brain that criticism leads to progress, not doom. Over time, the fear dial turns down.

  wrap-up: choosing the key over the cuffs

  Your career isn’t being held hostage by feedback itself - just by the story your anxiety tells about it. Every tiny request, every calm breath, every quick follow-up hands you a key. Use enough keys, the cuffs click open.

  Next time someone says, “Can I give you some feedback?” try this: shoulders down, inhale, smile that isn’t a grimace, and say, “Sure - hit me with one thing.” It won’t feel perfect. It will feel possible. And possible is where momentum starts.