Is dressing one notch above audience still a rule?

a quick flashback to the blazer incident

Last spring I walked into a friend-of-a-friend’s birthday drinks wearing a navy blazer, loafers and those trousers that fold a perfect crease no matter what. Everyone else? Vintage tees, beat-up Converse, denim cut-offs. I spent the first hour holding a warm beer and pretending to text because that felt easier than explaining why I looked like I’d taken a wrong turn on the way to a TED talk.

That night I googled the old etiquette nugget - “dress one notch above your audience” - and realised I’d been following a rule invented before open-plan offices, start-up hoodies and Zoom screens that only show you from the ribs up. So, is the rule still alive or has it gone the way of floppy disks?

does the “one notch” rule still hold up?

Short answer: sorta, but not in the way our parents used it. Back in the day everyone at work wore roughly the same uniform, so adding a blazer signalled respect without screaming “look at me.” Now dress codes are a mood board: marketing in sweatshirts, finance in chinos, creatives in whatever was on the bedroom floor. A single “notch” doesn’t even exist when the baseline is all over the place.

Still, the impulse behind the rule - showing you care - hasn’t vanished. Think of it less as “one notch above” and more as “just polished enough that nobody wonders if you rolled out of bed.” Translation: clean, intentional, fits you. Polish can be a fresh pair of sneakers instead of scuffed ones, or swapping a slogan tee for a plain one. Micro-adjustments, not costume changes.

how to read the room without losing sleep

Social anxiety loves uncertainty, so give it fewer corners to hide in. Quick ways to scope the vibe:

- Stalk the venue’s Instagram tags. Real-life photos beat official promos because people dress how they actually feel.

- Ask one person who’s going. Phrase it casual: “Hey, what are you thinking of wearing?” Nobody finds that weird; they’re probably wondering the same.

- Notice context clues. Networking breakfast at 8 a.m. in a hotel ballroom? Probably safe to lean smart-casual. Backyard baby shower? Relaxed layers.

When the signals clash, default to two questions:

1. Will this outfit let me sit on any kind of chair without fidgeting?

2. If I bump into my ex, will I feel fine saying hi?

If the answer is yes twice, you’re good.

hacks for the socially anxious dresser

You can’t banish nerves, but you can turn down the volume. Here’s what helps me:

- The anchor piece trick: pick one item you love - jacket, trainers, earrings - and build around it. Familiarity calms the brain.

- Trial runs at home. Wear the full outfit while making coffee or scrolling TikTok. Let your body map how it feels. Weird seams or tight waistbands show up early, not halfway through the event.

- Carry a quick fix kit: lint roller, mints, tiny stain wipe. Knowing you can handle a spill keeps spirals in check.

- Plan an exit. Even if you never use it, having a “leave-by-ten” escape clause gives a sense of control, making it easier to stay longer.

a chill goodbye and a gentle nudge

The “one notch above” mantra isn’t dead; it’s just been rebranded. Today it means being thoughtful, not overdressed. Most folks are too busy worrying about their own outfit to audit yours, and the people worth knowing will notice your smile before your shoes.

So next time you hesitate in front of the wardrobe, remember: aim for polished-enough, pick an anchor piece you love, and give yourself permission to tweak on the fly. If you still feel unsure, send that text - “what are you wearing?” - and watch the relief flood in when your friend replies, “I was just about to ask the same thing.”

Now go show up, blazer or no blazer, and claim your slice of the party instead of the corner by the fridge.