How do i deal with friends who tease my quietness?

it stings more than it shows

My phone buzzes under the table right as Josh yells, “Yo, library-voice, speak up!” The laugh track from the rest of the group lands on me before I even unlock the screen. Maybe your version is different - someone calling you “mute,” asking if you “took a vow of silence,” whatever. Same punch: the joke about being quiet. The part they never see is your pulse going from chill to sprint, your brain scrolling through every possible comeback and finding…nothing.

That sting matters. Pretending it’s fine trains them to keep doing it, and it trains you to freeze. So, rule one: admit (at least to yourself) that it bugs you. Once you name the feeling, you can actually do something useful with it.

figure out what game they’re playing

Not all teasing is created equal:

- Friendly nudge: They like you but have zero idea it hurts.

- Social flex: They want a laugh and your quietness is the “safe” target.

- Power move: They feel weirdly threatened, so they poke.

Clock the vibe first. If it’s friendly, a light redirect might work. If it’s a flex or power play, you’ll need stronger boundaries. Quiet doesn’t mean passive; you just prefer low-noise tactics.

small moves that shut the joke down

1. The boomerang question

Them: “Why so quiet?”

You (shrug, calm): “Why so loud?”

Delivered with a half-smile, it flips the spotlight without hostility. They usually laugh and drop it.

2. State the obvious, once

“I’m a listener. If you want a turn talking, just ask.”

Twelve words, no apology. Said once, then move on. Repeating yourself feels like pleading - don’t.

3. Private DM > Public showdown

Later, text the main teaser:

“Hey, quick thing. When you joke about my quietness, it feels like you’re pointing a neon sign at me. Can you chill on that?”

People often behave better when there isn’t an audience egging them on.

4. Exit like it’s no big deal

If the night turns into a roast marathon, stand, grab your bag, “Gonna bounce. Catch you all later.” No lecture, just action. Repetition teaches them that mocking you equals losing your company.

protect your peace between hangouts

Social anxiety is like a phone battery that drains faster than everyone else’s. Top up on purpose:

- Solo noise: Playlists, podcasts, anything that lets you control the volume for once.

- Low-pressure reps: Talk to the barista, the dog-walker, the NPCs of daily life. Micro-convos build confidence without the friend-group stakes.

- Journal the wins: Did you call out a tease? Did you leave early without guilt? Write it. Seeing proof of progress messes with the brain - in a good way.

when to loop them in (and when to walk away)

Some friends level up if you simply explain: “Being quiet is my default, not a disease. If you want to hear me, ask me something real and give me three seconds to think.” The good ones will nod and adjust. The meh ones will claim you’re “too sensitive.” Translation: they value the joke over you.

If a friend keeps ripping on you after you’ve spelled it out, it’s time for distance or a straight-up cut. Hard? Yes. But consider the cost of staying: every hangout becomes an anxiety workout you never signed up for. Friendships are voluntary; so is torture.

quick wrap-up before the next ping hits

Quiet people aren’t broken extroverts. You process, you notice, you speak when it matters. Teasing can teach folks to respect that or expose that they never will. Clock the difference, use small moves to set the tone, protect your energy, and don’t be afraid to upgrade your friend list.

Next time the group chat pings with “Let’s hang,” you’ll know exactly how to keep the volume - and the vibe - in a place you can breathe.