Can you "catch" social anxiety from friends or family?

Last month I was crammed in the back of an Uber with my cousin, Maya. We were on the way to a friend’s birthday. Thirty minutes earlier she’d been fine. Now she was picking at her cuticles, half-whispering worst-case scenarios: what if no one laughs at her jokes, what if she forgets a name, what if she says something weird? I felt the heat rise in my own cheeks. My heart copied hers like a bad group project. By the time we stepped out of the car, both of us were sweating in the February cold.

On the ride home I wondered: Did I just catch her social anxiety the way you catch a cold? Or was something else going on?

wait, can feelings spread like yawns?

Short answer: kinda, but not in the way germs do. Psychologists call it “emotional contagion.” Our brains are outfitted with mirror neurons that copy the facial expressions, posture, and even breathing patterns of people near us. It’s how we vibe with a crowd at a concert or get teary during a friend’s breakup story. When the emotion in question is anxiety, the mirroring can feel like you’ve suddenly borrowed their brain chemistry.

So, yes, being around anxious people can crank up your own nerves. Still, that doesn’t mean social anxiety is floating in the air like pollen. It needs a landing pad - your own biology, beliefs, and habits.

genes, mirrors, and group chats: why anxiety feels contagious

1. Nature: Research pegs the heritability of social anxiety around 30–40%. If panic is a family heirloom, you’re simply more likely to flip into threat mode.

2. Nurture: Kids (and adults) learn by watching. A parent who avoids phone calls, grimaces through small talk, or labels strangers as “scary” is basically running a masterclass in avoidance.

3. Shared stressors: Families and friend groups often move through the same life stuff - job hunts, breakups, money drama. Common stress means common triggers, which makes synchronized anxiety almost inevitable.

4. Group chat amplification: One anxious text - “omg that meeting tomorrow is gonna be brutal” - can trigger an avalanche of digital panic. Screens don’t dilute emotions; sometimes they blast them.

Put those four together and you’ve got a recipe for “catching” the vibe, even if no one sneezes.

spot the moment empathy crosses the line

Most of us want to support our friends. The trouble starts when support morphs into copying. A few red flags:

• You dodge events for someone else - “If Maya’s not going, I’m not either.”

• Their pre-event jitters invade your quiet time, even when they’re not around.
• You rehearse conversations in your head that aren’t even yours to have.
• Your body reacts first (sweaty palms, shaky voice) and you realize later that you’re picking up someone else’s stress.

  steal the vibes, not the anxiety: practical moves

  Ground yourself before hangouts

A two-minute body scan or a couple of deep belly breaths tells your nervous system, “Hey, I’m safe.” Go in regulated, and you’re harder to throw off balance.

Name the feeling out loud

“I’m noticing some jitters that might not even be mine.” Labeling creates distance. Distance gives choice.

Switch from problem echoing to problem solving

If the convo spirals into “What if…,” shift gently: “Let’s list two things we can control.” You’re not dismissing them; you’re redirecting the energy.

Set post-hang decompression rituals

Walk the dog, blast one upbeat track, journal a single line - whatever helps you reset. Think of it as washing your emotional hands.

Strength-train your social muscles solo

Expose yourself to low-stakes interactions without the anxious friend nearby: order coffee, ask a stranger for directions, join a hobby class. The confidence you build alone acts like a vaccine when you’re with the crew.

Consider pro backup

If you find yourself dodging life because everyone else’s fear feels glued to your skin, therapy or a support group can unstick it. No shame, just data-driven help.

wrapping it up

You can’t bubble-wrap yourself from other people’s feelings, and honestly, you wouldn’t want to - empathy is what makes friendships worth having. The trick is learning where your boundaries end and theirs begin. Social anxiety might run in your circle, but it doesn’t have to run your life. Catch the jokes, the playlists, the weird inside references. Let the anxiety stop with you.